My own mother will be 84 this August. I’m very thankful for her. I didn’t write the following for her! In fact I didn’t write it at all…
“Why we have moms” answers given by elementary school age children to
the following questions:
Why do we have mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the Scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1 Clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use
string, I think.
Why do you have your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. The doctor knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like
What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause
that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid
2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who
did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.