No one was more surprised than I when my good friend Angela Breidenbach and I chose to write a duo of stories set within a beauty pageant world. We signed the contract in August 2013, the book releases in September 2014, and I’m neck-deep in writing my novella, The Model Queen, the contemporary half of Snowflake Tiara.
Yes, my heroine is not only a pageant contestant but a (former) model.
They say to write what you know.
Clearly I am not following the advice of the sages.
Why? Why am I in this situation? I believe God put me here and, over the next year or so, I’ll blog monthly (ish) on what I’m learning and how God is using this process to change me. To beautify me.
Where did I come from?
I was born the youngest of five daughters in a Canadian Mennonite family. My parents were raised old-school Mennonite, the kind where women pinned black kerchiefs over their long, pinned-up hair, wore dresses that fell well below the knee, and were forbidden jewelry of any kind, even wedding rings.
Makeup? Forget it. Sassy haircuts? Forget it. Pierced ears? Now you were pretty much on the wide road to hell, no matter if you professed to love Jesus.
Mennonite women didn’t talk about beauty. 1 Peter 3:3-4, King James Version, says:
Whose (wives’) adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
Whew, it’s been a long time since I read KJV, but it seemed important this time, because that’s the wording I remember. The literal translation was, “Don’t dress up fancy. Don’t put on airs and pretend you’re pretty. A beautiful spirit inside is what is valuable to God.”
Then I attended high school at a conservative Christian boarding school whose rules closely matched my upbringing. While other teens in other places were experimenting with makeup and fashion, I wasn’t. It just wasn’t important to me. It didn’t matter.
I totally don’t want you to think that my parents didn’t love me or value me. They did. This was their culture speaking. I also don’t want you to feel sorry for my boarding school days. I loved it there. Sure, there were rules, but everyone lived under the same ones. It wasn’t a hardship. Besides, I met my husband there and we’ve now been married over 30 years. I can’t regret that!
I’m telling you this history, not because I’m bashing anyone, but because I need you to understand the journey I’m on. The journey to be beautiful. The journey to femininity. The journey to elegance.
You may not have been raised Mennonite, but that’s not a prerequisite for the struggle to understand beauty from a biblical standpoint. I know some of you are on this journey, too. Will you walk with me? Will you tell me where you’re coming from, what your history includes?
Love to read about you and your dear famly!!
Thank you, Barb! You’ve known us almost that long…but not quite… 🙂
I didn’t know that about you, Valerie. How interesting, the Mennonite background. I think it’s a great thing to focus on inner beauty, because that’s what lasts. Outer is only temporary. I was raised to dress up for church, to put my best foot forward, to mind those little details. (I don’t always do thaose things.) I was told I was smart and pretty, but I didn’t always believe the pretty part because I saw far more girls were prettier than I.
I definitely agree that inner beauty is more important, by far. But…well, I hope you’ll follow my journey, because it’s too complicated to put in a comment. 😉
I’m following. 🙂
🙂
Looking forward to reading about your journey!
Thanks, Joy! I’m glad you’ll follow along.
Great post! Very interesting and real.
Yes, very real, lol. Thanks for stopping by.
I’ll be interested to follow this along, Valerie. I agree that the inner beauty is what matters most. Packaging can either deceive or distract, but surely there’s something about good stewardship in maintaining/presenting what we’re given in a godly way.
I think the misunderstanding in the “world” is that only some women are on the journey. Even as a beauty queen, I have always wondered the same questions. I often ignored the conventions of make-up. Not because I didn’t want to be beautiful, I did. But because I often didn’t have the money or energy on my journey. I’d go through phases where I’d resent the expectation of cosmetics and fashionable clothing. I’d resent the girls that could afford those things. The home I came from (and later as a very young mom) had to often choose between milk and bread, not milk and mascara.
It’s interesting to me to learn of a culture that used the same verses I clung to for self-worth as a reason not to teach outward beauty. And yet as a married woman, I can see the difference in my hubby’s response when I take the extra time to care about the outer part of my beauty too. (And yes, I think we girls notice that about men before we’re married.)
Ultimately, it’s a balance that nothing should be taken to the extreme. When our inner beauty shines, it’s easy to keep our outer beautification in balance. Focus only on the outer beauty, and the strangest thing happens…no amount of adornment can make a shrew maintain her beauty in anyone’s eyes. Yet shining from within, a woman can get a “double-take” and be described as stunning because of her joyful glow and confident demeanor. Once I learned that beauty secret, I set out to be a joyful person. I also learned that hiding can be done in plain sight–the opposite extreme to the crazy, overdone plasticizing of natural beauty.
Thanks, Angie. Thankful that you’ll be doing a guest post here closer to when Snowflake Tiara releases! Love you, girl.
Well, Valerie, I caught this late, but I think I’ll be following your tale.
I wasn’t raised Mennonite, far from it actually, but I have never thought of myself as beautiful. EVER.
In my contracted book (no release date, yet) I write, “She’d never been under the illusion she was special — different, yes, but special, she didn’t think so. God thought she was special because He made her, but the world in general didn’t think like God.”
This is how I see myself most of the time — well, close to all of the time.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
I hope my journey helps. I’d love to hear yours, too.